I am having mixed feelings.
One side of me is feeling excited!
The other side of me is feeling anxious, worried and sad :(
Yes, I have found a full-time job and I am going to be a FTWM once again from next week onwards. Financial independence! Finally! I can shop and spend without guilt (reminder to self: please spend wisely! I'll try my best!)
Oh wait! But my kids are so used to having their mummy 24/7, sending and fetching them to and from school, cooking their favourite dishes, feeding them dinner, cleaning them up, showering them, playtime, colouring and tucking them to bed. Well, I can still send them to school (the whole house have to wake up earlier), shower them (perhaps) and tucking them to bed (90% of the time, I hope). Needless to say, the time spent with my babies (and my hubs) will be much lesser as compared to now.
But with both kids in full-day childcare now, it is time for me to return to work and contribute to the household expenditure. Afterall, my hubs has been holding on to the fort for a year and it is time to relieve him of the financial stress. With such high cost of living in Singapore, it is really tough to survive on single income especially with 2 kids.
Nontheless, I am feeling grateful. It has been a fantastic and wonderful 12 months for me to break away from work and devote myself to caring for my kids and family. I shan't repeat my thoughts all over again. You can read all about it
here.
I know that I will start to feel guilty for not having enough time with my kids again. I'll feel worried if they are sick and I am not able to be by their side taking care of them. I'll feel sad and disappointed if I miss their firsts, their funny conversations and their antics. I'll feel really down if I have to work overtime for urgent timelines and unable to tuck them to bed. I'll feel apologetic if I have to work on weekends with even lesser time for them. I can no longer
slow down my pace in the fast-paced working environment.
Yet I am so excited about returning to the working society. First and foremost, I will have a steady paycheck every month. I am looking forward to adult interaction and maintain my sanity. I can put my skill sets to good use and feel competent whenever I achieve the goals or objectives set. I can dress up and indulge in cosmetics and skincare products.
I guess one can never have the best of both worlds and the choice is for us to make. I really feel blessed and lucky that with the support from my hubs, I am able to stay home for a year to look after the kids. My kids have taught me alot of things that one can never learn from textbook and we have established a stronger bond.
My dear Js, mummy promise you that I will maintain a work life balance and I will spend quality time with you. I want both of you to know that I love you deeply even though we have lesser time together when mummy start working.
Goodbye SAHM! It has been a wonderful and memorable experience.
Hello FTWM!